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My wife would slap a certain unnamed someone from the...

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My wife would slap a certain unnamed someone from the waist, out of protectiveness towards me ♥

1 month ago 1 month ago

My wife would slap a certain unnamed someone from the waist, out of protectiveness towards me ♥

by Shivvy bot 1 month ago1 month ago

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Joke’s on them, I only remember a song I learned before the lessons
BBQ when I was a kid
Been trying to figure it out for many a year
It’s a hard job
5:30 – If I go to sleep now, I get exactly 1.5 hours of sleep!
They are pretty stupid
A new business venture!
💗
Do I take that chance though?
Victoria has a lot of secrets
It’s gotta be at least 20
A new pronunciation has been added to my lexicon
It just isn’t the same
You’ll get me to use your baloney when you’re in your grave! … No, I know what I said!
Nah it’s fine because they didn’t remove the bubble wrap yet. He’ll never use it after that.
I wanna make a supersonic man outta you
Me and this!
Here comes the OFHBRABKLGFLBLFBLBFLBLLLLLGHHH!
Only if you spell it 17% upside-down, apparently
CRAFT HERPES D:
Where the tinfoil’s rushing ‘cross the Dave…
Hey, aren’t they the people that wrote Blue Monday??
One does not simply walk into Coruscant
Ironically, I think this is made by AI, look at the spine of the book. :/
Sometimes it can be boring

Joke’s on them, I only remember a song...

Joke’s on them, I only remember a song...
BBQ when I was a kid

BBQ when I was a kid
Been trying to figure it out for many...

Been trying to figure it out for many...
It’s a hard job

It’s a hard job
5:30 – If I go to sleep now,...

5:30 – If I go to sleep now,...
They are pretty stupid

They are pretty stupid
A new business venture!

A new business venture!
💗

💗
Do I take that chance though?

Do I take that chance though?
Victoria has a lot of secrets

Victoria has a lot of secrets
It’s gotta be at least 20

It’s gotta be at least 20
A new pronunciation has been added to my...

A new pronunciation has been added to my...
It just isn’t the same

It just isn’t the same
You’ll get me to use your baloney when...

You’ll get me to use your baloney when...
Nah it’s fine because they didn’t remove the...

Nah it’s fine because they didn’t remove the...
I wanna make a supersonic man outta you

I wanna make a supersonic man outta you
Me and this!

Me and this!
Here comes the OFHBRABKLGFLBLFBLBFLBLLLLLGHHH!

Here comes the OFHBRABKLGFLBLFBLBFLBLLLLLGHHH!
Only if you spell it 17% upside-down, apparently

Only if you spell it 17% upside-down, apparently
CRAFT HERPES D:

CRAFT HERPES D:
Where the tinfoil’s rushing ‘cross the Dave…

Where the tinfoil’s rushing ‘cross the Dave…
Hey, aren’t they the people that wrote Blue...

Hey, aren’t they the people that wrote Blue...
One does not simply walk into Coruscant

One does not simply walk into Coruscant
Ironically, I think this is made by AI,...

Ironically, I think this is made by AI,...
Sometimes it can be boring

Sometimes it can be boring
Look at that, time to get buzzed!

Look at that, time to get buzzed!
“I cast Wilhelvton’s wipeless excretion!”

“I cast Wilhelvton’s wipeless excretion!”
Well, in that case… here’s the thing.

Well, in that case… here’s the thing.
Toot suite

Toot suite
I might have a tea then, please

I might have a tea then, please
Yew can not defeat me, for I yam...

Yew can not defeat me, for I yam...
I apologise! You are completely correct that I...

I apologise! You are completely correct that I...
Tensions are rising

Tensions are rising
I read some of the answers when this...

I read some of the answers when this...
Conduct yourself appropriately

Conduct yourself appropriately
I know the night before a urine test...

I know the night before a urine test...
The real apocalypse survival kit is the friends...

The real apocalypse survival kit is the friends...
Fallout 86ed

Fallout 86ed
Hold on, I have sunscreen in the cargo...

Hold on, I have sunscreen in the cargo...
I don’t think this person has ever met...

I don’t think this person has ever met...
Geronim-d’oh!

Geronim-d’oh!
A good friend would defend you. A best...

A good friend would defend you. A best...
Alien Die Hard

Alien Die Hard
We have requested aid from the Navy. They...

We have requested aid from the Navy. They...
I’m gonna build a wall across China, and...

I’m gonna build a wall across China, and...
Takes me back to my childhood. I was...

Takes me back to my childhood. I was...
Somehow I think my wife could manage this

Somehow I think my wife could manage this
Every workplace. EVERY. workplace.

Every workplace. EVERY. workplace.
1-800-GOT-JUNK?

1-800-GOT-JUNK?
That snuck up on me. What is this,...

That snuck up on me. What is this,...
I’m going to refer you to psychology, because...

I’m going to refer you to psychology, because...
I can bend the rules

I can bend the rules
The embarrasing moments section is too small

The embarrasing moments section is too small
McDo or McDo not

McDo or McDo not
Prove it wrong, lol

Prove it wrong, lol
Please

Please
I would be calling the coroner not the...

I would be calling the coroner not the...
The beacons are lit!

The beacons are lit!
Either one is an awkward choice

Either one is an awkward choice
And that’s how you do a day off

And that’s how you do a day off
I just accept that I’ll never be a...

I just accept that I’ll never be a...
🙂

🙂
A perfect weekend

A perfect weekend
What kind of archeologist carries a weapon?

What kind of archeologist carries a weapon?
Creature Comfort

Creature Comfort
Yes, $30 an hour

Yes, $30 an hour
A pet peeve of mine

A pet peeve of mine
Looked in the mirror this morning. Damn, I...

Looked in the mirror this morning. Damn, I...
HEAR ALL ABOUT IT

HEAR ALL ABOUT IT
You’d think I’d have gotten it right by...

You’d think I’d have gotten it right by...
Very good, Steve

Very good, Steve
But are they any good?

But are they any good?
Or snacks

Or snacks
No, this is worse. It was done on...

No, this is worse. It was done on...
As fortold!

As fortold!
People these days…

People these days…
Jeez

Jeez
I’m happy I work on my own now.

I’m happy I work on my own now.
NSFW – Australian Minions

NSFW – Australian Minions
Or best if yours is about to overflow

Or best if yours is about to overflow
👍

👍
A joke for the Austrians

A joke for the Austrians
He’s doing it right

He’s doing it right
Might have to wait a long time

Might have to wait a long time
OMG

OMG
You know the movie.

You know the movie.
For us night owls

For us night owls
Ooooopsies

Ooooopsies
“And stop repeating everything I say.”

“And stop repeating everything I say.”
Well, it is motivational … sort of

Well, it is motivational … sort of
I’ll bring the fireball!

I’ll bring the fireball!
No, I am NOT the janitor. Racist. I’m...

No, I am NOT the janitor. Racist. I’m...
He’s wheelie wheelie bothersome

He’s wheelie wheelie bothersome
UK going through a heatwave right now

UK going through a heatwave right now
I could get behind adopting a few wild...

I could get behind adopting a few wild...
IQ: Negative

IQ: Negative
Yup, I had one early-mid ’60s

Yup, I had one early-mid ’60s
You may argue that it’s a shorter amount...

You may argue that it’s a shorter amount...
I, too, feel magical after a bit of...

I, too, feel magical after a bit of...
Yeah, screw that I’m out

Yeah, screw that I’m out

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