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If I’m not home, just leave the keys on the...

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If I’m not home, just leave the keys on the kitchen counter. Thanks!

1 year ago 1 year ago

If I’m not home, just leave the keys on the kitchen counter. Thanks!

by m4a4 1 year ago1 year ago

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You have dishonoured your ancestors
Self help
Well, that enough internet for today.
What’s got skill to do with anything?
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
Me, but with doughnuts
Must’ve lied on the resume
He chose the card of violence
Me, as a sassy old person
Eat the fries first so the burger isn’t too hot.
Hop to it
Mine always comes out luke-warm
‘Fear and desperation’
ALWAYS YES
Ah, I chanted too much

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You have dishonoured your ancestors

You have dishonoured your ancestors
Self help

Self help
Well, that enough internet for today.

Well, that enough internet for today.
What’s got skill to do with anything?

What’s got skill to do with anything?
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
Me, but with doughnuts

Me, but with doughnuts
Must’ve lied on the resume

Must’ve lied on the resume
He chose the card of violence

He chose the card of violence
Me, as a sassy old person

Me, as a sassy old person
Eat the fries first so the burger isn’t...

Eat the fries first so the burger isn’t...
Hop to it

Hop to it
Mine always comes out luke-warm

Mine always comes out luke-warm
‘Fear and desperation’

‘Fear and desperation’
ALWAYS YES

ALWAYS YES
Ah, I chanted too much

Ah, I chanted too much
😐

😐
The ultimate bard!

The ultimate bard!
They were too salty for my taste

They were too salty for my taste
I can’t believe he hasn’t tried that yet

I can’t believe he hasn’t tried that yet
In this economy I would say $2.50

In this economy I would say $2.50
We should not have made this bargain!

We should not have made this bargain!
The broom looks more comfy

The broom looks more comfy
The mistakes are learning you

The mistakes are learning you
Oops.

Oops.
I have a golden soul

I have a golden soul
Make a note of this

Make a note of this
Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!

Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!
Spread the love

Spread the love
Oh, but I still get my pleasure. Still...

Oh, but I still get my pleasure. Still...
Let that one buckle in.

Let that one buckle in.
Ironic art is art.

Ironic art is art.
Just give me advanced warning

Just give me advanced warning
That’s a weird sushi lunch box

That’s a weird sushi lunch box
Obviously

Obviously
Let me be weird in my own home...

Let me be weird in my own home...
Camouflage tactic

Camouflage tactic
You lied… I am in jail

You lied… I am in jail
If squirrels were millennials

If squirrels were millennials
Pffft… as if those BMW drivers would use...

Pffft… as if those BMW drivers would use...
Feeding booths

Feeding booths
Apparently, ‘God’ has a plan…… *sigh* Please leave...

Apparently, ‘God’ has a plan…… *sigh* Please leave...
The sizes check out

The sizes check out
As fortold

As fortold
Waaait a minute… has that lamp always been...

Waaait a minute… has that lamp always been...
I don’t brielieve it.

I don’t brielieve it.
Exceptional roosters 🐓

Exceptional roosters 🐓
😴

😴
Veterans of Tazmania

Veterans of Tazmania
Pfft, 1+2+3 = 6 glasses of wine

Pfft, 1+2+3 = 6 glasses of wine
That is the question…..

That is the question…..
Not quite as romantic as you might think...

Not quite as romantic as you might think...
“There is always a choice.”

“There is always a choice.”
It’s too late for this Brian

It’s too late for this Brian
What an absolute dingus

What an absolute dingus
Shoot them both just to be sure

Shoot them both just to be sure
The real mastermind shows himself

The real mastermind shows himself
When your credit card declines

When your credit card declines
Thinkin’ ‘bout lunch.

Thinkin’ ‘bout lunch.
How emusing

How emusing
Steve is suspicious

Steve is suspicious
Can’t detain murder suspects without probable caws.

Can’t detain murder suspects without probable caws.
Wait, why?

Wait, why?
My favorite vegetable is Oreo.

My favorite vegetable is Oreo.
*Groans in wookie*

*Groans in wookie*
Hello 911, There’s a handsome bird in my...

Hello 911, There’s a handsome bird in my...
B-e-a-utiful

B-e-a-utiful
I’d be gutted to.

I’d be gutted to.
What’s the opposide of a green thumb?

What’s the opposide of a green thumb?
That figures

That figures
This person should perform in my local comedy...

This person should perform in my local comedy...
No need to remind me

No need to remind me
Does anyone have a preference?

Does anyone have a preference?
…Why does it have a trailer hitch?

…Why does it have a trailer hitch?
Looks like Grandma is gonna run over some...

Looks like Grandma is gonna run over some...
So, born in Wisconsin.

So, born in Wisconsin.
Along with avian flu, swine flu making a...

Along with avian flu, swine flu making a...
Well that makes sense.

Well that makes sense.
Retired jokes #469

Retired jokes #469
Looks legit.

Looks legit.
#Metoo

#Metoo
aaand today it decided we deserved some rain...

aaand today it decided we deserved some rain...
Paul Simon’s famous song about getting old. ....

Paul Simon’s famous song about getting old. ....
Projects

Projects
April 25th

April 25th
They’ve got me pegged.

They’ve got me pegged.
Johnsooooooooon!

Johnsooooooooon!
Unbunlievable

Unbunlievable
I AM THE ADMIN

I AM THE ADMIN
What do those quacks think they are doing?

What do those quacks think they are doing?
Only Justin’s will understand

Only Justin’s will understand
I want a barbecue squirrel now…..

I want a barbecue squirrel now…..
I wonder why they call him that?

I wonder why they call him that?
That’s the moment he knew, he f’d up

That’s the moment he knew, he f’d up
Sometimes you gotta light up their world with...

Sometimes you gotta light up their world with...
Ahaha haha ha

Ahaha haha ha
Jeff will never give them peace

Jeff will never give them peace
That’s what cats do…

That’s what cats do…
And that’s how the fight started

And that’s how the fight started
Both work perfectly

Both work perfectly
I’d say they handled it well

I’d say they handled it well

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