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A good friend would defend you. A best friend would...

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A good friend would defend you. A best friend would do it to you.

1 hour ago 1 hour ago

A good friend would defend you. A best friend would do it to you.

by Shivvy bot 1 hour ago1 hour ago

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A good friend would defend you. A best friend would do it to you.
Alien Die Hard
We have requested aid from the Navy. They said something about “go frigate ourselves”?
I’m gonna build a wall across China, and the Mongols are gonna pay for it!
Takes me back to my childhood. I was a nerd then too.
Somehow I think my wife could manage this
Every workplace. EVERY. workplace.
1-800-GOT-JUNK?
That snuck up on me. What is this, Five Nights at Freddy’s??
I’m going to refer you to psychology, because it’s all in your mind.
I can bend the rules
The embarrasing moments section is too small
McDo or McDo not
Prove it wrong, lol
Please
I would be calling the coroner not the the police.
The beacons are lit!
Either one is an awkward choice
And that’s how you do a day off
I just accept that I’ll never be a morning person
🙂
A perfect weekend
What kind of archeologist carries a weapon?
Creature Comfort
Yes, $30 an hour

A good friend would defend you. A best...

A good friend would defend you. A best...
Alien Die Hard

Alien Die Hard
We have requested aid from the Navy. They...

We have requested aid from the Navy. They...
I’m gonna build a wall across China, and...

I’m gonna build a wall across China, and...
Takes me back to my childhood. I was...

Takes me back to my childhood. I was...
Somehow I think my wife could manage this

Somehow I think my wife could manage this
Every workplace. EVERY. workplace.

Every workplace. EVERY. workplace.
1-800-GOT-JUNK?

1-800-GOT-JUNK?
That snuck up on me. What is this,...

That snuck up on me. What is this,...
I’m going to refer you to psychology, because...

I’m going to refer you to psychology, because...
I can bend the rules

I can bend the rules
The embarrasing moments section is too small

The embarrasing moments section is too small
McDo or McDo not

McDo or McDo not
Prove it wrong, lol

Prove it wrong, lol
Please

Please
I would be calling the coroner not the...

I would be calling the coroner not the...
The beacons are lit!

The beacons are lit!
Either one is an awkward choice

Either one is an awkward choice
And that’s how you do a day off

And that’s how you do a day off
I just accept that I’ll never be a...

I just accept that I’ll never be a...
🙂

🙂
A perfect weekend

A perfect weekend
What kind of archeologist carries a weapon?

What kind of archeologist carries a weapon?
Creature Comfort

Creature Comfort
Yes, $30 an hour

Yes, $30 an hour
A pet peeve of mine

A pet peeve of mine
Looked in the mirror this morning. Damn, I...

Looked in the mirror this morning. Damn, I...
HEAR ALL ABOUT IT

HEAR ALL ABOUT IT
You’d think I’d have gotten it right by...

You’d think I’d have gotten it right by...
Very good, Steve

Very good, Steve
But are they any good?

But are they any good?
Or snacks

Or snacks
No, this is worse. It was done on...

No, this is worse. It was done on...
As fortold!

As fortold!
People these days…

People these days…
Jeez

Jeez
I’m happy I work on my own now.

I’m happy I work on my own now.
NSFW – Australian Minions

NSFW – Australian Minions
Or best if yours is about to overflow

Or best if yours is about to overflow
👍

👍
A joke for the Austrians

A joke for the Austrians
He’s doing it right

He’s doing it right
Might have to wait a long time

Might have to wait a long time
OMG

OMG
You know the movie.

You know the movie.
For us night owls

For us night owls
Ooooopsies

Ooooopsies
“And stop repeating everything I say.”

“And stop repeating everything I say.”
Well, it is motivational … sort of

Well, it is motivational … sort of
I’ll bring the fireball!

I’ll bring the fireball!
No, I am NOT the janitor. Racist. I’m...

No, I am NOT the janitor. Racist. I’m...
He’s wheelie wheelie bothersome

He’s wheelie wheelie bothersome
UK going through a heatwave right now

UK going through a heatwave right now
I could get behind adopting a few wild...

I could get behind adopting a few wild...
IQ: Negative

IQ: Negative
Yup, I had one early-mid ’60s

Yup, I had one early-mid ’60s
You may argue that it’s a shorter amount...

You may argue that it’s a shorter amount...
I, too, feel magical after a bit of...

I, too, feel magical after a bit of...
Yeah, screw that I’m out

Yeah, screw that I’m out
Also applies to humans

Also applies to humans
Leaf blowers are a pet peeve of mine.

Leaf blowers are a pet peeve of mine.
These aren’t the oils you’re looking for. Move...

These aren’t the oils you’re looking for. Move...
Just gonna take this for a spin

Just gonna take this for a spin
And they told me to wok this way

And they told me to wok this way
Boyardee is clearly to be used for tarot,...

Boyardee is clearly to be used for tarot,...
Yeah, you know what it is

Yeah, you know what it is
Me

Me
I think I’m coming down with something myself....

I think I’m coming down with something myself....
Now play “smelly cat, smelly cat, what are...

Now play “smelly cat, smelly cat, what are...
How much cheaper can it get??

How much cheaper can it get??
Quick! Call a toe truck!

Quick! Call a toe truck!
Ok, I will make an exception because he...

Ok, I will make an exception because he...
Oh, it’s me. I am that friend.

Oh, it’s me. I am that friend.
Thunderstruck

Thunderstruck
Same

Same
Thinking of eggs for some reason

Thinking of eggs for some reason
Don’t tell me what to do, Mat

Don’t tell me what to do, Mat
What, you don’t like cake?

What, you don’t like cake?
Taking that shit to a whole ‘nother level

Taking that shit to a whole ‘nother level
You gave me the name. I am going...

You gave me the name. I am going...
Oh it’s back again. I think we’ve been...

Oh it’s back again. I think we’ve been...
Socket 2 m!

Socket 2 m!
Just one? All salad forks are fake forks.

Just one? All salad forks are fake forks.
“I accept your praise but am concerned you...

“I accept your praise but am concerned you...
Just strutting down the street

Just strutting down the street
Science fact: Uranus frequently emits bursts of methane...

Science fact: Uranus frequently emits bursts of methane...
This also explains the foreboding feelings of alleyways...

This also explains the foreboding feelings of alleyways...
If you like it then you shoulda put...

If you like it then you shoulda put...
Now, I’m not one to kinkshame, BUT…

Now, I’m not one to kinkshame, BUT…
Sometimes the internet delivers top content

Sometimes the internet delivers top content
“No, I said I’m doing nothing tonight. Specifically....

“No, I said I’m doing nothing tonight. Specifically....
Oh, I’ve been an NPC for years. It’s...

Oh, I’ve been an NPC for years. It’s...
No, Kyian!

No, Kyian!
But I use “no more tears” shampoo

But I use “no more tears” shampoo
The root of all evil

The root of all evil
Silly cone implants

Silly cone implants
…Gotta try that

…Gotta try that
He needs a chiropractor and neurologist after bashing...

He needs a chiropractor and neurologist after bashing...
I have these all the time

I have these all the time
Till we never meet again!

Till we never meet again!

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